omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
