this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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