make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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