i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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