the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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