I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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