Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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