thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
