Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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