apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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