I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
