She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
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Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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