we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
