I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We are all done wearing pants today
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
