I skipped work to stalk him.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
