Ambien. No doubt about it.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
