What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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