How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
as a side note pls kill me
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