I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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