saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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