apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
