So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
