totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
