You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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