That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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