woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
