She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
