i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
