it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
