rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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