how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
