Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
