her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize