Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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