i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
