Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
