when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
