How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
