I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
