All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
