you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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