Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
