Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
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