its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
