I'm really into asian looking animals
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
