It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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