I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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