after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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