I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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