Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
