She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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