my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
