Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
