i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
