Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
