every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
