I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
