but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
