Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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