guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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