Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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